20 November 2003

There’s something different about today. So many people are changing around me. I wonder if I’ve changed. I don’t want to, I know how much change can effect friends. I’ve already lost too many because of change. Ali, I think that was a prime example. I’d rather keep changing though, to have one good moment in the future and bare the rest of the pain. But, I want to break this course.

Even on DeviantART, people are changing. I can just read old logs, old messages, old comments, and I can see how much they changed. I may have prompted them, but right now, if I read my own writing, it is the same. This is more like a novel every day, and I’m the static character.

It doesn’t matter what the change is, or how subtle, I always see it. Notice it. It takes about three years to reflect on it. Maybe Mike Fisk is the same, he’s seemed pretty static, but now he’s in love. Nukem, my friend from the days of warez, he’s getting married.

I can’t say that I like this change — people think it’s aging, and it’s not. It’s experiences. I don’t like today. There’s too much at one time, it’s radical in nature.

Tommorrow may be a new day, who knows? Not I. I’ll tell you if it is, if this was just a mistake. I want things to just be constant.

I hate people.
“Yeah, I don’t really like them either.”

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