Sweet, Sweet Justice

Here's what New Mexico wants you to think New Mexico looks like.

New Mexico sucks. Honestly, I don’t see why they made a New Mexico when the Old Mexico was bad enough as it is. Nearly everyone will tell you that it sucks, especially Texans. (Everything just seems smaller there — I don’t get it!) I’ve recently remarked on my twitter that when you live a bad life and do bad things and die, you don’t go to hell, you just go to Jal, New Mexico. (The town’s slogan is “LIVING IN JAL, NM”. I think this was all they could attribute to Jal — people do indeed live there. Though “DYING IN JAL, NM” might be equally appropriate.)

I think that the constant 65 MPH winds are a good start to why it sucks, but you need to combine that with the desolate wasteland and the dust to get a better picture. The worst problem is that New Mexico apparently has the world’s slowest speed limits and the most highway patrol cars in the world. Some highways in the oilfield are, get this, 45 MPH though most are a somewhat more palatable 55 MPH (which is still slower than the damn wind).

Here's what New Mexico actually looks like.

So, I really don’t mind speeding and going ten over or whatever. People who know me know that I drive offensively rather than defensively because defense doesn’t win football games so obviously it doesn’t win life either. But, right now because I have the Navy review boards going on, I absolutely can’t get a ticket or this could set everything months behind. It’s such a huge hassle to deal with a ticket in the military (seriously, why are there so many forms?) that I would do whatever it takes to avoid getting one. This means actually following speed limits that are so impractical and awful that no one besides myself will even consider obeying.

Usually, this entails that the drivers will  just pass you since there’s hardly ever any turns anyway and the possibility of a hill is also pretty remote (though there are a few here and there). I don’t mind this: if I was in a hurry I would go the Texas style minimum of 70 MPH and just say I forgot I was in New Mexico because it’s just a little worse looking than West Texas. So, that’s fine with me. However, what I do mind is when people are pissed off about me going the speed limit. If you have to pass, don’t tailgate me and then stare at me like I’m an idiot when you pass. That’s frustrating but I deal with it.

But today some tool (a Texan tool, sadly) was tailgating me in a 55 MPH when he was obviously trying to go 75 MPH. When he finally passed (in the middle of an open nowhere, so it wasn’t a big deal anyway), he not only stared at me but flipped me off. I considered speeding up and not letting him pass, or cutting him off right as a 50 foot bridge came up and he would hurl off the side of it in a fiery explosion ala an early ’90s action movie… but I contained myself and just let him do his thing like an adult. But I was still angry. That jerk.

I drove off with a smug satisfaction. Thanks for fixing this one God!

So I continued to drive and passed through Jal on Highway 18 and on my way out, who do I see on the side of the road? The truck that flipped me off and he was getting a ticket for speeding. I laughed some sadistic, insane laugh and started shouting “yes, yes!” because I was so happy at seeing this. Of course, when I drove by, I slowed down and honked so the driver saw me and my huge smile.

Enjoy the ticket, you dick.

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4 thoughts on “Sweet, Sweet Justice

  1. Alicia November 22, 2010 / 10:53 PM

    At least you got a good honk and smile in.

    • Clay Chastain November 22, 2010 / 11:12 PM

      I had contemplated flipping him off, but I realized two things: 1. that would put me on his level and mostly 2. the cop would have probably noticed and then pulled me over down the road for being a dick to the dick.

  2. Pete November 23, 2010 / 11:40 AM

    Clay, I hear you. West Texas/East New Mexico is a desolate wasteland for the most part, unless you’re into sandstorms and flat desert. However, most of New Mexico is awesome, especially Northern and Western. So I suggest you check out the rest of the state if you have time. The part with more trees/hills/mountains/skiing.

    Also, if I’m not mistaken, the speed limit on the highway goes from 70 to 75 right after you cross over into New Mexico. Could be wrong here but that’s how I remember it, anyhow.

    • Clay Chastain November 23, 2010 / 8:06 PM

      I will admit that I took at trip in high school to the mountains in New Mexico and it was very pretty nice; very scenic. Still had to drive through hell to get there. I also like their caverns though the Sonoran caverns are probably my favorite and they’re just outside of San Antonio. But, for the oil business, New Mexico sucks.

      As for the speed limits, I have crossed over at about every road you can from West Texas and the speed drops from 75/70 to 65/55 respectively. Actually at Jal if you’re going to Kermit on Hwy 18, it’s 55 and then you cross over into Texas and you see Texas rubbing it in with a 75 MPH sign that’s huge.

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