I’m not really a big fan of mice, except when they’re being eaten by snakes (cool!) or in my favorite childhood cartoon, Tom and Jerry. Lately there have been a few crafty mice in the house (winter is coming and they obviously want the warmth and any crumbs we might drop). A few nights ago they woke me up. I swear that one was on my bed and crawling around me and that’s how I woke up the first time, but the second time they had knocked my stuffed rattlesnake (yes, I have a stuffed rattlesnake, really) on to the ground and started going for the neck. I think this is some kind of amazing irony that the mice are eating the snake, so I was actually more impressed than angry. But still, I don’t like mice waking me up. So the next morning I got a few different types of traps and set them out. Amazingly, they have defeated every single trap I’ve set. I have the old fashioned lethal ones and the sticky pads ones. They tripped the old fashioned one and stole the cheese, and the sticky one caught one in the act but he dragged it under something and was able to get free. Lucky guys. They haven’t been back since, so I hope they learned their lesson.
Anyway, I was re-reading my last post and I pretty much sounded like the most emo, upset kid around around. I think things have been building up and it hit me pretty hard, so I decided to vent a little online. I feel like that’s a good way to do it instead of killing a drifter, as my brother often says. But, for you guys reading it, and myself, I just felt like it wasn’t accurate. I don’t hate life and I do have a lot of hope for the future. I just wish my future would start now instead of later. I guess my fear is that I will have essentially wasted an entire year of my life doing nothing. That’s kind of a daunting thing to think about it as a complete waste, and it’s not really. I am paying off my credit cards and eventually my loans. I have bought a few things for myself to keep me entertained. And I’m keeping to a really intense exercise plan. I had a good session tonight so that’s partly why I’m in a good mood.
Otherwise, the Navy finally got back to me on Monday. My Lt. informed me that two of my three applications for a commission were rejected, though they don’t give particular reasons. For most of the week I kind of felt like a massive failure as a human being. I think it’s my fault for thinking I would get something I knew was hard/impossible to get right off the bat, but I’m not the kind of person to not take on a challenge. I admit, I do feel a little helpless. There is something more I could have done to help me — I’m sure — but I have no idea what. That’s part of it though. I still have the chance to become a supply officer, and that’s not a bad gig at all. I actually really like logistics and I’ve already mentioned before I’d be comfortable with it. I don’t consider it settling for less. The supply board is December 16th, so pretty soon, but with the holidays around, I honestly expect it’ll be after the first of the year before I know. In the mean time, I’ve been readying for my alternative position that I already have in the Navy, enlisted (E3) Nuclear. This is one of the better programs in the Navy — I have nothing against it.In fact, it’s really not anything bad at all. The benefits are pretty legitimate in the long run.
I guess my concern is that I would be, essentially, at the point where I would have been if I had never went to college (with some perks, I admit). I’m going to make this a career, so whatever happens happens — but I honestly feel like I am ready for the increased responsibility right now. Also, weirdly, I want to prove myself in OCS (Officer Candidate School) I’ve been training my body for a long time and I really want to see if I can do it. Like I said, I enjoy challenge. You can quote me now: I will reach my goals. They just might end up taking more time than I had originally intended. But, all I have is time right now.