December for me usually just means it’s freezing cold and I’m in Midland for the holidays. Now that I’m living here for who knows how long until the Navy lets me figure out my future, I have just kind of faded into this month — there aren’t any finals or big parties to announce it at school, and now this is my life. I try not to hate on Midland too much (oh wait, no I don’t), but last Thursday I think everything finally got to me. I was having one of those days where you just think “how much more of this can I take”, and it was compounded by the frustrations of the preceding days. As well, not knowing what is going on in my life is really hard when I can barely afford my student loans, my job was supposed to be temporary, and I have to be here just in a holding pattern until I find out.
So, on this Thursday I managed to get H2S gassed pretty good and lost my breakfast from the stuff (it makes me really sick to my stomach, for some reason; my dad shrugged this off like I was just weak, but whatever). And then the next unit I went to had yellow jackets inside the panel, meaning as soon as I opened it they got completely pissed. I tried to go back to it to close it, but they were too angry, leading me to have to wrap up in every piece of winter clothes I could find to try to protect myself to go in for a quick run and get my ladder back and get the unit sealed up. I managed to do it, though I did get stung and was covered in them when I was scrambling to get into my truck. Just not a fan of these things. So they next unit I go to — same deal, full of yellow jackets. And this is the day that I ran out of wasp spray while I was spraying them. Not a very good situation to be in, trust me. Basically, the whole day turned out to be a complete bust and I was driving home just thinking about how I didn’t want to go home, but I didn’t want to be at work, but I had to do both things in one day.
Somehow the day ended and things were better the next day. The wind had died down so I didn’t need a bandanna to keep from choking on the dust, and it was strangely something like 85 degrees. Some December this is turning out to be. I know because I said this we’ll have record cold temperatures now. I even spent some time at my brother’s and played some video games, which was nice for a change. Yes, this is about as close to going out as I get lately.
I’m excited for people I like coming into town for a few days. Change things up and refresh my sanity. I’m also hopeful that this coming week I will find out what the Navy will do with me so I can know for sure where I’m going, when I’m going, and what I’m doing. I need something to look forward to, and these are the two things that keep me going. I also need some structure that isn’t this structure. That is my hope on the horizon.
I own a lot of video games. Enough that when people come over they compare me to a Blockbuster. (Note for reading this ten years from now: Does Blockbuster even exist anymore? Do we have hover cars?) I feel like I spent most of my childhood playing them and I can still recall specific moments in my gaming history. I think from the normal person’s view, video games were considered to be a waste of time, and maybe they still are. Yeah, I guess it is pretty much like vegging out and being an unproductive member of society. If anything though, playing them has become less of a nerdy thing to more of a thing that every adult male does. When the next Halo or Call of Duty comes out, we all line up rank and file to get our copy at the midnight release.
I have a few specific memories about video games, but there are four games that really started me down this path to playing and collecting them the way that I do now:
Gran Turismo 2
I played the crap out of these games as a kid. With the exception of Gran Turismo 2, the other games were computer games and their objective was to shoot stuff. In Doom, you shot 2D things. In Quake, you shot 3D things. In Half-Life, you shot 3D things are there was a cohesive and interesting story. In Gran Turismo 2, well, you raced cars. I remember seeing Quake and thinking “Wow, how is this possible this technology exists?” This was the first game that I stole.
Alright, so how does this lead into thievery? As a broke kid who knew way too much about computers, I was able to track down and find all the games I wanted to play and get them for free. I feel like most of the people who were doing this were also broke kids. It taught me a lot about the internet and how computers work, something I should be thankful for because I ended up pursuing tech fields as income. That said, I no longer steal games because I can actually afford them. But, at the time, it was what I did, for better or worse. This means that when I actually did buy a game, it was serious stuff. I remember buying Half-Life at the store and not being able to see over the counter when I bought it. It was a mature game, of course, but that didn’t matter then. And, I remember getting it home and finding out that I couldn’t run it because my computer didn’t have a graphics card powerful enough. So, I had to buy that too, and 199 dollars is expensive for a kid. But, I got it and that launched me into a world of gaming I never turned back from…
Until now. I feel like even though I still buy and play video games, my patience for them has gone down the drain. I don’t want to die a ton and restart levels or checkpoints, I don’t want to sit online and progress though ranks to get a gun. I don’t want to deal with the people online, and I don’t have the time or energy to sit there and play them all day. Typically this changes for all the big releases and I’ll find myself in GameStop at their midnight release standing next to the largest people with even larger BO.
But this time, I was just too busy and I actually forgot about the release for a day and picked it up the next day instead. And I tried to play it tonight but I just can’t get into it. I’d rather be writing this article than playing it and this game is the next big thing everyone had been waiting for. It’s just not doing it for me. I feel like such a slug for even playing games, and all I do is get frustrated at the screaming twelve year old kids. I guess I used to be one. I think in college, and more so in high school, I had the freedom to just play whatever I wanted and do it all day because you don’t have anything meaningful going on as a kid. And by meaningful I don’t mean profound, I mean working to pay bills and dealing with all your other responsibilities. Speaking of which, I need to cut a check for student loans which are finally kicking in. Ugh.
I actually feel like even if I was just sitting around all day, I couldn’t let myself do it anymore. I just can’t get into video games like I used to. I still will have the occasional day where I will sit around, eat Butterfinger bars and drink (diet) Mountain Dew like a video game nerd is supposed to do. However, at this point, it’s more or less like the days where people sit around and watch movies — they end up feeling like they wasted their day and don’t do it again for a long time. I want to take the time to give a shout out to Dan, my roommate, for one of the stories I tell everyone about video games; I will note that he has since changed his ways. During our sophomore year of college, Halo 3 had just come out and Dan was constantly playing it to obtain the rank of a general or a 50 rating or something like that. So, at 8 AM I left for me 8:30 class so I could get some breakfast and coffee to try to stay awake. At about 9 PM or so I come back and Dan had literally not moved the entire time. He had been stationed in front of this crappy TV in the world’s worst folding chair for the entire day. How can anyone do that?
Well, I know how people can do that because I’ve done that during finals, playing Grand Theft Auto 4 from start to finish in one sitting. I’ve done that with Halo ODST and Halo Reach too. That’s how I tend to play games — short in one burst. Play for a couple of days or a week, then move on. I just get so tired of things so easily now. Maybe I’m just too tired in general and I let games frustrate me, or maybe games have just got so complicated that they’re becoming more of a chore than a good time. (The latest Call of Duty has so many options to customize things, but I got what I wanted within the first hour. Who has the time to sit around and change their icon in the game? I don’t get it.)
I’m really not quite sure what the exact reason is that I don’t feel the same connection, I guess the word is, that led me to spend so many hours in games, completely absorbed in their world and enjoying every moment. I can replay these games for the nostalgia factor and a few moments still shine, but it’s just not the same. Maybe it’s because I’m older and I’m different? I don’t have a good answer for this, though I do assume I’ll be playing games in the future, just in a limited capacity. I still certainly buy the games, so I don’t think the game publishers are worried by this phenomenon. I’ll even buy the map packs and try to get back into the game, but this only lasts a couple of days before I move on again
I think it comes down to the fact that I want to be connected like I used to be; I want to be drawn into a world and escape for a while. But I just don’t feel it like I used to. And that kind of sucks.
iPhones are really cool. I like them as a phone because I can take such a degree of technology with me that I can manage so much of my life at one time I rarely need a computer. In theory, they are great devices and are leaps and bounds ahead of other smart phones, but in practice, the frustration that comes from using them makes them outright awful. So here’s a narrative story on why you should never get an iPhone. Because if you already use an iPhone, it’s too late to turn back.
The software (called the iOS and what runs the iPhone’s features) is an absolute bugged out mess. From the smallest annoyances to the greatest frustrations, the iOS has it all. Examples are plentiful and I’ve actually started an album on Facebook to chronicle my unfortunate problems. This is actually the main detractor from the phone because it’s the software that you end up dealing with all day. And yes, before you tell me to update, I am using (at the time of writing this) the most updated version of iOS.
Showcased to the left is myself trying to send an e-mail of a YouTube video to a friend. Astoundingly, it decided to bring up the keyboard while sending an e-mail and playing the video at the same time. I’m not sure how this happens, but it’s happened on more than one occasion. You have to exit YouTube, then stop YouTube from running, and then relaunch, find your video, and try again. It’s just a random added hassle that is more hilarious than it is harmful, but still an example of a bug that seems completely random.
The problem is that a lot of the bugs are completely infuriating. For example, the iPhone has a lag when locking and unlocking the phone (that button on the top right). This is not too big of a deal unless you’re trying to use it during two events: first, trying to lock the phone after you end a call may freeze the phone, or the end call button might be pressed and you lock the phone, and then it tries to lock the phone after the call AND by you locking it, and the phone freezes; second, and the most unbelievable, is when you have a password on your phone. When you unlock the phone you are prompted to enter your password and while the screen displays the digits for you to press, it is not fast enough to catch the first or second numbers you enter, making you re-enter your password immediately after. What a crazy place for lag to be, and one that drives me up the walls. Of course, why do you even have a password when people can still access your contact list, photos, and make calls?
It doesn’t make sense to me how a phone can be so buggy and be so widely used… and everyone just loves them. And so do I, I guess, since I put up with it every single day. Believe it or not, today I got up at the wrong time because the iPhone, using its sophisticated future technology, was not able to correct my alarms for daylight savings time. But that’s okay, because they issued a warning on the internet. Thanks for the update that I never got. Oh well, it wasn’t too big of a deal, but you’d just imagine they could fix such a simple issue. Computers have been dealing with it since their inception, after all.
The next issue is one that I can’t personally attest to happening on my phone, but rather on my mom’s phone. She kept complaining to me that the battery life was awful and that she could never make calls. Both of these are true: the battery life on the 3G is abysmal, but is thankfully better on the 4; AT&T provides some of the worst service ever (at least in Midland, Texas) and having calls fail while being in the middle of the city at home are commonplace (I actually bitched about it on Twitter some time ago and a representative responded saying sorry… sorry about what, that you’re selling a busted service? You don’t fix anything by saying sorry. Give me a refund of a dollar for every call that’s dropped and you’d more than pay for my phone service! But I digress).
Anyway, today I finally told her to give me her phone so I could show her how she was doing it wrong, which she usually is. I tried to make a call and the phone just sat at the calling screen for about 5 minutes with full signal. I decided to restart the phone, and when it came back up the battery had went from full (she just had it plugged in when she gave it to me) to about 10% or so. How is this possible? I’m guessing something in the software isn’t reporting the battery percentage life. As well, I could now make calls. What a joke.
This next one is a combination of the software and the actual hardware of the phone. I can’t believe that this phone was made with so many blatant design flaws. The first of which is that I bought my 3GS in June of ’09, my first iPhone purchase. After using it for a little under a month’s time, I was texting someone and typing and the screen just cracked. You might be wondering how many times I had dropped the phone. None. Even then, it was in a case to prevent things like this happening. Apparently, my unit was defective because the screen should not be so weak that typing on it makes it break. Fine, whatever.
Another thing that probably no one besides myself a few others will ever see is the text message limit. Apparently after 75,000 texts, you go over a limit and the phone tells you to delete some. Well, I’m the kind of person who likes to have full logs with whoever I talk to, so I never delete messages and I can pick back up and remember what I told some girl whose number I got in a bar at 3 AM a year ago when she messages me asking how I’m doing randomly. (This is a real situation. I am prepared.) But, after this limit, you’re screwed. Why such a limit? My phone has 4 gigs of space still free on it. There should be no limit. It’s not like the phone is pulling up this information every time I text; it’s only used when I want it.
I put up with this for a while and shortly thereafter I kept getting strange messages popping up that didn’t make any sense to me. I literally had no idea what they meant and tried to ignore them. However, after they came up, I realized that I could no longer make a call and speak — that feature had been disabled somehow in the software. The error message in question is shown at the right. Essentially, this random message that seemed unrelated to me was that I had connected some mystery accessory to my phone that it did not approve it. That’s fine, only that it wasn’t connected to anything at all. It was just popping up every 15 minutes and letting me know this. At this point, I became absolutely infuriated: my awesome future technology was a busted piece of shit already and I had only had it a few months. Really Apple?
So I called these guys up and of course I was transferred to some Indian guy who could barely speak English as far as I could tell and he told me that first, I had gripped the screen “too firmly” (I will never forget this) and that caused the phone to crack. Too firmly? What the hell, should I hold it lightly like it is a magnificent baby kitten? No, this is a phone and I don’t want to drop it and break it. The irony. I also mentioned that I couldn’t make calls and this was making the phone a giant paperweight. He said that I could should remove the accessory (the one that I didn’t have) and that cracking the screen had probably caused this. I asked if he had ever heard of either of these problems, and he said no.
I was told that I could replace my phone no problem. It would be 130 dollars to get the screen fixed and it would take 3 to 4 weeks for this to happen, and that I would also be out shipping. I asked if there was any way that Apple or AT&T could give me a loner phone to use while mine was being fixed, and I was told there was a way. All I had to do was give them 650 dollars (a holding fee plus shipping) to get this phone. So, basically, Apple told me that I was shit out of luck. I called AT&T and they told me to use an old phone or to call Apple. They didn’t care about me either. I called Apple back to see if there was anything they could do to work the situation out and I was told I needed to pay 30 dollars to talk to a representative. Uh, what? I cursed loudly and hung up the phone (not my phone, mind you).
So, I did what anyone would do: look online for a fix. First, I found a number of other users complaining about their screens cracking in dubious ways and a ton of people who had the problem where it said there was an accessory plugged in (and a ton of people who called Apple and had them say they never heard of such a story!). So, the problem was the moisture in my pocket had created a bond between two connectors in the docking port, causing it to think something was plugged in. The solution was just a rub down of alcohol and it was fixed, but I wish I could have been told that over the phone instead of reading it on some forum. And why is that such a common problem? What a great design feature. I still don’t get why there aren’t rubber plugs that cover those areas that are common on pretty much every other phone ever made. Whatever.
I guess there is hope for the future, because Apple does release updates to fix all the bugs. Or introduce new ones. When I upgraded to the iOS 4, it had the awesome feature of turning my phone into a paperweight. Yeah, it actually managed to make my phone break by updating it. The phone got stuck at a screen showing a plug and the iTunes icon, meaning, to me, to plug it into iTunes. Well, nothing happened. So I tried again, restarted my computer, reinstalled iTunes, and nothing worked. I called Apple but this time couldn’t even get through to anyone who knew what I was talking about… much less anyone who could keep track of my data. They kept getting my name wrong and thinking I was someone else. Cool guys.
So what did I have to do? Well, skip this paragraph if you don’t want to read a lot of nerdery.
Uninstall iTunes 10 after putting the iPhone in DFU mode
Delete all the old files in the iTunes directory
Install iTunes 9, but find out your library is now incompatible
…So rename your old library files
Then iTunes 9 will start and see the phone
Then recover it
Then copy the iPod directory from Program Files for iTunes 9
Then uninstall iTunes 9
Then install iTunes 10, and ignore the error messages when installing
Then rename your library files to the originals
Then cut and paste the iTunes 9 iPod directory over the iTunes 10 directory
Then start iTunes 10 and it will see the phone, the music, and the iPod service will work
Then restore your last back up and wait a few hours
Neat, so after you follow those steps your phone will work again. Glad that Apple told me how to do that. Oh wait, I had to spend my night on forums hating life. Either way, the phone has lasted me a good while and over time my time crack became another crack and another. I wasn’t going to put it in a case after it already had a crack — what’s the point? But just a few days ago, I dropped the phone from about 4 feet onto the dirt (the most extreme diamond covered dirt in the world, apparently) and my phone just lost it completely. That’s fine, whatever. I was out in the oil field and people kept trying to call me and I couldn’t slide to unlock it so they just assumed I had electrocuted myself and died somewhere. That or assumed I didn’t have service because I have AT&T, the nation’s fastest worst 3G network.
So what did I do? Well, I debated either switching to Verizon and paying the fee to break up from AT&T so I could get the Droid which everyone I know that has it seems to love it (and the customer service is excellent: my brother dropped his and it broke, so he sent it in and they fixed it for free, and gave him a free loner phone), or I could just get a new iPhone. Admittedly, there’s not much different between the 3GS and the 4, but after using the 4, I find that it’s actually a better device overall. That screen really takes away from the strain on my eyes. Why would I get a new iPhone when I just spent the better part of an hour bitching about them? Well, I realized that Apple owns my life. I have so much stuff saved on this phone that I can’t switch. I don’t care, just give me the new iPhone. I’m screwed for life. All of my music is through iTunes (at least in the last couple of years), so I’m locked to devices that can sync my tracks that are purchased content. (That also means I have to use iPods when I go for runs, sly bastards.) Finally, the iPhone backs up all of your content into some magical file that will restore most of what you have, making it easy to transition to a new iPhone. This isn’t a complaint really because it makes it simple and convenient for people to change their iPhones. However, it also means that I don’t want the hassle of learning a new phone, trying to migrate all my content manually, and then being upset with the lack of all the apps that I’ve accumulated over my iPhone ownership period.
I’m stuck. I will always buy the iPhone. I don’t care how much AT&T and Apple piss me off, don’t care about me, and in general, treat me like I’m a clueless fool who isn’t entitled to decent treatment. This is the worst abusive relationship I have ever been in; I wonder what iPhone user needs sex when they get screwed every day?
Shortly after joining the Navy, I was told that I would have to wait until March (eventually until May) to ship and so I was faced with a unique situation: I couldn’t get a long term job, but I needed money to pay off all my college lifestyle credit card debt (both living in Australia and just going out with Sam, Christian, and the rest of the guys so often my senior year). As well, I saw the impending, looming, daunting shadow of my debt from going to school at Trinity University. I shelled out so much money to go there, it’s kind of ridiculous. In the end, however, they sent me a generous refund check… of 1 dollar. Seriously, just rub it in you jerks. Every time I get a letter in the mail asking alumni for financial contributions I curse out loud and rip the letter up. I took a class called Underwriting and Development, so I know that Trinity has staff that knows not to make requests in such a jackass way.
Either way, as a result of all this debt and the fact that my apartment contract was coming for an end, I was forced to consolidate and do something I vowed never to do again: return to Midland and get a job until I leave. At the time, I was looking at March as the latest, though I have no idea what it might be at this point. The advantage of going home was purely monetary in nature because I hate Midland, I hate the people in Midland, I didn’t know anyone there, and living back at home can be frustrating. That, and the issue is coupled with a lot of tension between them right as I was getting back, meaning I was thrust into arguments that I had thought I escaped from in 2006 when I left for San Antonio.
Thankfully, I’m not completely alone because I do have my brother and his new niece to visit, and that’s always a relief since we grew up with the same frustrations as a kid so I can have someone to share with. And, for the first month or two, I met a girl who I really thought I clicked with, but I must have done something or she found my character to be unsavory, because she stopped calling and texting in that way that people do when they’re too embarrassed to say “I don’t like you. Stop talking to me.” If I had to guess, it’s because I’m not particularly Christian. Church hasn’t made a lot of sense to me and the morals imposed there seem superficial and not applicable to modern society. Then again, Midland is stuck in 1965 when it comes to things like that.
But, being completely alone has its perks. First, I was able to get a job with a company called Two Rivers Pipeline Construction that has me driving all over West Texas and New Mexico. It’s time away from the house, from the family, and gets my mind off the looming uncertainties of the future. Second, I spend most of my time at the gym, generally for the same reasons as work. I don’t like being at home, and I really wish I had my own place, but I have too much debt to pay off and a who-knows-when ship date that have made it impractical to do much else.
So between work and working out, the only thing I’ve done is play a few video games. Few being the key word because I really don’t have the patience for them like I used to. I want to play 15 minutes at a time and I dislike playing online because everyone is an idiot. The majority of my gaming time I spend playing Xbox 360 games with my brother, which is always a good stress relief.
You could imagine that doing nothing in Midland would give me the time to update this more. Surprisingly, a lot of things have been happening that have taken all of my time. First off, and most importantly, I leave Texas for Australia this coming Sunday, Feb. 1. I don’t even know what to think at this point. I am really excited, and really happy to finally get to do something exciting like this. But, at the same time, I am terrified of leaving Texas. As much as I want to think I am educated, I don’t really know the ways of the world, and I’m afraid of not being accepted for who I am. I’ve already been told not to mention I am from Texas, but this is probably impossible as I obviously sound like a Texan. That, and I don’t think I will compromise who I am, even in a foreign culture.
My group is full of yankees for the most part. There are some that are from South Carolina, but even this is odd and foreign to me. I’ve talked to one from my group, an admitted vegetarian and environmentalist. I mean, you just don’t find that in Texas. I’m not saying that I disagree with her viewpoints, though I have to say my own viewpoints are much more enjoyable for me. It is my hope to eat all the native animals that I can, as food is a big part of my life. And the only environmental policy I have is “Don’t Mess With Texas”, so I don’t know if that matches up well enough. I’m mentioning this because it shocks me I am so different from yankees. These are people who are from my country. What could Australia be like? Maybe the people will think I’m ignorant and arrogant. I hope not.
My goal with this trip is to make friends and experience culture. I don’t want to compromise who I am in the process, though. But, I haven’t left, so I don’t even know what I’m getting into yet.
Otherwise, my stay in Midland has been full of work. I’ve been working full days typing entries into a big database. It’s sad and horrible, but now I am done. And, my boss gave me a big bonus for my work. I’m confident I’ll have a few dollars to blow on things I want to do, not just the bare essentials. Some of those things include the “Northwest Trip”, a ten-day camping trip throughout Northwest Australia. I am pretty excited to do that. Because of the currency difference, it’ll only be about 450 dollars. I think I can manage that.
Work was boring, of course, but it was good being back with the guys from ViaMedia. Josh, Benjamin, and Max are good guys, and I’m glad to have met them. We got together a few times and played poker. I lost twice, but I won everything on the last game we played. Poker has started to become an addictive thing. I’m playing it online all the time, albeit with fake money.
I spent a weekend in San Antonio with the Trinity guys. I took a lot of photos, but it was basically a summary of my entire experience at Trinity. These guys are the friends I hope to have for the rest of my life. I’ll miss them when I graduate, and I’ll miss them when I’m in Australia. I hope all of the alcohol I bought them is proof enough of my friendship! God knows, they’ll be drunk for a semester on an amount that size.
Finally, I’ve been working out a ton before I leave. Partly because I found out I was 204 lbs. I used to be 145 lbs before I started college. Way too much beer and Jack in the Box, that’s certain. I’ve lost over twenty pounds, but I still need to do more. My goal is to really push myself in Australia, so that I can be 160 lbs of raw steel and sex appeal upon my return. We’ll see!
I guess I’ll update this next when I’m in Perth. I’ll miss Texas, but I’m ready to jump into something new!
So, now it’s already December. This semester is wrapping up. That is kind of nice, and kind of scary, as usual. The amount of work I have due on December 8th is pretty much ridiculous and I’m definitely not looking forward to it. That said, once I’m done I can go home and relax until early Febuary when I leave for Perth. It’s almost a done deal, and I can’t imagine what would stop it from going through. I’ve heard rumors that it’s a good situation for American guys. I will have to report on that later, though.
I’m quitting work on the 9th. I really haven’t worked much. They offered me a position as a night manager, but I doubt that I would really want to put up with the kids anyway. I’m the oldest guy there, which is sort of sad. The pay is horrible, but it was able to finance a lot of party goods and video games. I will be glad to quit, though.
As usual, I met another person who makes me happy. I sent her my camera. I hope she likes it. This girl is fascinated with birthdays, something that are rarely a big deal in my life. She goes to the extent of remembering half birthdays. In the period of one day, she sent me more cards than I’ve received in the last three or four years. That is pretty shocking. Cards are expensive too, so she must have went all out.
I think I may get some wine or something tomorrow. All we have is rum, which is fine, I suppose. But I do like being able to sip on alcohol instead of pounding shots. I should pick up some cigars too; make it a classy evening.
I’m in a genuinely bad mood lately. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep or maybe it’s something else. Sometimes I just feel like laying in bed all day. I did this a lot during freshman year, but I think that was more drug induced laziness than I am now. I hardly do anything “bad” anymore. I don’t even drink much.
I talked to Logen again recently. After things went sour, I suppose things are held together enough to make it through the holidays on a speaking basis. I miss her. Of everyone on this planet, she knows more about me. And, ironically, she’s been a relatively small portion of my life. A good friend, and definitely one I couldn’t ever stand to lose.
I have a very interesting life on paper, but outside of that, I think I have an incredibly boring life. Party, school, party, school, party. That’s about all that happens. That’s not to say that the parties aren’t pretty awesome usually, and that I haven’t had a lot of fun, but I still wonder what it matters. I guess I’m happy. I guess.
Honestly, I don’t like college. It’s not really a challenge, and if it is, it’s one of those “challenges” in the artificial way: I don’t care about it because it’s not interesting to me, so I have to work a lot last minute to make a decent product. I don’t really like hard work anyway, at least when I don’t see some immediate reward (i.e. money).
But whatever. Just got to pretend I care, I guess. Maybe even start caring. But I doubt it.