How to Churn Out a College Essay & All My Awful Essays

Sorry for the super long title and what I’m sure will be a super long post. Basically, I was thinking about what I learned in college and I just kept thinking about the song “I Love College” by Asher Roth — a lot of partying and social things, but not a lot of actual, tangible facts that I can pull from my head. I think my philosophy minor taught me that I don’t actually know anything, meaning college was essentially the experience of learning that I know nothing (read my last essay listed on this page). Sorry, that’s an aside.


Me not writing an essay. Mission accomplished.

The real point of this post is something that I learned how to do really well in college: churn out an essay. Notice that I’m not saying write an essay. This is more out of grinding process where words just manifest in nonsensical and only vaguely related ways for ten pages. The following, in a simple 7 step form, is what professors don’t want you to know, what they don’t want you to write, and what will make you graduate with a 3.5 GPA without spending almost any time writing stupid papers for classes you have little to no interest in. Yes, these papers will suck. Yes, if you do this you lack scholastic integrity. Yes, you can get back to partying with your friends.


  1. Read your essay guidelines that usually suggest topics for you to write. I’m going to choose an actual topic from my senior year, but this method works for any subject or discipline as you will soon see. “Analyze a thematic style from a classic film director studied in this course.” Boom. Okay, find something easy that people will have obviously wrote about in the past. So, I chose “suspense in Alfred Hitchcock movies”. I know, this is an easy example — sometimes essays are harder in those upper level philosophy courses and with those you have to get much more creative in part two…
  2. Immediately get online with your school’s library and choose a database listing. I think my favorite is Academic Search Complete because it’s got something like 50 databases in one. Make sure to check all of the databases so you search everything. So first, enter in “Suspense” and then “Alfred Hitchcock”. You might also find out what movies he has directed and then use “Suspense” and “Movie Name” to find those too, if you’re looking for particular films. Make sure to check “Full text available” on your search”
  3. Click search, and then open about 20 sources and read their little descriptions. If they sound relevant, download the PDF files to a folder so you can get to them easily again. (I also like to check that the PDF articles are searchable when I preview them: who the hell wants to actually read these things to find content? You can search for suspense or whatever and find quotes faster.) You’ll also, at this point, want to make sure you have a RefWorks account (just Google it, but it’s usually provided through your school). This site takes those articles you’re searching and compiles your Works Cited page. Because who the hell wants to try to figure out MLA, APA, ASA or whatever formats? I didn’t, so I just let this site do it for me. You’ll see an “export to Refworks” icon on almost all databases, or something similar. You’re in college, figure it out.
  4. So now, gather the top 10 or however many sources you need, open then, read them if you have to, or just search the PDFs (control + f) for things you need. I take five or six quotes from each article about my topic and past them in a Word document. Make sure to write down page numbers so you can cite them in your paper without having to look at the articles again.
  5. Now you want to make a framework for your paper based on your quotes. Look at what they have in common or don’t have in common. Use this to establish three broad topics, and for each topic, three subtopics. This will give you enough BS to write about to go for several pages. So, for example, three topics in this case can be individual movies, and the subtopics can be how suspense is used in each of the movies (three examples or three different approaches). Something like that. You’ll figure it out as you start pasting it what fits or doesn’t fit.
  6. Write your paper. So from here, write a brief introduction that is probably where the paper will go, then start filling in ways to bridge the quotes. My formula is usually quote, two sentences about the quote, another quote, two sentences, and so on.
  7. Add more filler until you reach your page/word quota. Print it out and turn it in (because professors live in 1910 apparently) or e-mail it to the super future professors who use this advanced technology. If you’re struggling on the filler, you can always blatantly cheap. Google the period trick, which is the best way to gain a page or so when you write a paper.

So, you might be wondering how is this possible? Am I making this up? No, I’m not, and it’s really possible because I certainly did it just like I explained it. I was able to churn out the worst, yet acceptable, papers in just a few hours. So, provided below is every paper I wrote in college at Trinity University. I don’t care what you do with these essays. Use them as a reference, laugh at them, print them out and turn them in as your own (I feel like that might be kind of stupid, but hey, I don’t think many professors actually check).

As an aside, some of these classes I really enjoyed a lot, and, in general, those papers have more interesting content because I had some enjoyment from the class. I’ve denoted those classes with an asterisk after the course title.

AIS 3180 – Introduction to Aboriginal Studies (Murdoch University, Perth, Western Australia)
Presentation (Aboriginal Art and Community)
Essay (Importance of Aboriginal Studies)

ANTH 1301 – Introduction to Anthropology
Essay – Final Paper (Avocado Production Chain)

ANTH 2310 – Human Evolution*
Essay – Final (Zoo Project)
Project Review

ANTH 3327 – Contemporary Minorities
Presentation – History of Marginalization
Essay – Final Paper

ANTH 3394 – Seminar in Forensics*
Essay – Final (Ballistics Trauma to the Skull)
Presentation (Ballistics Trauma to the Skull)

ANTH 4362 – Globalization and International Development
Essay – Final (Development and Sustainable Agriculture in Central America – A Case Study of Belize)

ARTH 1307 – Art History Prehistoric to Medieval
Final – Roman Verism Portraiture
(Note: This is a really awful paper; in the professors feedback she wrote “thesis unclear” and then crossed it out and wrote “thesis missing“. Still got an A, but just a warning.)

ARTH 1308 – Art History Medieval to Modern
Presentation – Las Meninas
Final – Art Comparison

CLAS 1302 – Introduction to Classical Literature
Essay – Ethics in Classical Literature
Essay – The Role of Sex and Power in Jason and the Golden Fleece

COMM 1301 – Introduction to Mass Media*
Project – Follow the Ownership Trail
Project – Media Fast
Final Project – New TV Show

COMM 2302 – Media Interpretation and Criticism
Essay – Ad Analysis
Essay – Media Self-Reflection
Project – Video Project
Essay – Final (On Family Guy – The Narrative and the Postmodern)

COMM 3303 – Media Audiences
Essay – Theodor Adorno Bio
Presentation – Theodor Adorno
Essay – Propaganda Messages in Americas Army

COMM 3322 – International Development*
Essay – National Profile – Belize
Essay – Final (Belizean Agricultrual Dependence)

COMM 3323 – Propaganda and the Media*
Essay – All Quiet on the Western Front Analysis
Essay – America’s Army Analysis (Revised)

COMM 3326 – History of Mass Media*
Literary Review – Character Development in Sitcoms
Essay – Media Study – Race and Gender

COMM 4395 – Communication Major Capstone
Thesis – Developing a Targeted Website
(Here’s my entire thesis. Someone please print this out and turn it in as their own in an 100 level communication course and let me know what grade you get!)

ENGL 1302 – Writing Workshop
Essay – On Dishonesty in Integrity
Essay – The Console Divide

ENGL 2304 – American Literature
Essay – Feminism in Trifles
Essay – Native American Representation

FILM 1301 – Introduction to Film
Essay – Hitchcock, North by Northwest, and Suspense

HIST 1371 – African American Literature (For one of these book reviews, I remember asking my roommate to pick random passages for me to quote and put into the essay as a dare. So these are bound to be winners.)
Essay – Aristocrats of Color Book Review
Essay – Blacker the Berry Book Review
Essay – Brownsville Raid Book Review
Essay – Soul on Ice Book Review

MCC 1354 – Video Game Art & Design
Essay (Video Game Design)

PHIL 1301 – Introduction to Philosophy*
Essay (Descartes)

PHIL 1354 – Ethics*
Essay (Kant and Mill)

PHIL 1320 – Classical Philosophy
Midterm Essay (Plato Crito)
Final Essay (Aristotle Nicomachean Ethics)

PHIL 2314 – Philosophy of Film
Presentation – Fight Club
Essay (Appartus)
Essay (Platos Cave Allegory and Film)

PHIL 3331 – Philosophy of the Mind*
Literary Review (Functionalism)
Final Essay (Consciousness as Functionalism)

PHIL 3339 – Epistemology*
Essay – Reflections on Knowledge

14 June 2006

Well, I guess you could say I’m having one of those days. The kind of days that you wish would never happen, the kind you wish you could slam your head into a brick wall about.

One of those type of days.

I woke up today sick and so dizzy I could barely stand. I dragged myself to work at 8 AM and I worked straight until 5:30 PM, holding back potential stomach sickness along the way. Some guy nearly plowed into my car on the way home. I got pulled over by a cop for avoiding the guy who nearly hit me and speeding into the next lane. At least it wasn’t a ticket.

When I got home, I had a message saying my bank account was frozen temporarily. I called up my bank and asked why — apparently my checking account had went 170 something dollars into the red because of a hold on PayPal (which when I talked to the PayPal representative, they said that was an error on somebody’s part because the bank shouldn’t have been alerted; I’m on hold with my bank as we speak.) I have a few checks that will be bouncing if it’s not resolved, so again, I’m waiting patiently.

My PayPal account was also “frozen” until I pay 193 dollars for a chargeback coming from my PayPal account on something I shouldn’t be having to pay back. The PayPal rep said it takes about 75 to 100 days to resolve a dispute, so no PayPal for me. So, until Friday of next week when I can get a paycheck to cover my bank problem, I have my pocket change, a total of $20 in ones and a five. Still, I’m sure that I can get by. I just won’t eat lunch and I’ll borrow some money until then. Further, I hope I can just get it fixed in a few minutes and this was all just a big misunderstanding on the credit card company and my bank and hopefully the person who gave me the money in April without obligation.

Good news is that a person on eBay who I bought over 100 dollars of stuff from last night said it was okay if I paid him with a money order, meaning I can bypass PayPal and not get bad feedback. Other good news is that I got my DS Lite in ala my fancy new raise I got at work. And, I mean, I’ve graduated from school and I’ll be 18 in a short while. Lots to look forward to.

In conclusion, however, today has been a really bad day. And my bank’s waiting music ain’t making it too much better.

21 February 2006

Today was the English Language Arts TAKS test, the pointless and trivial test designed to see if we, the students, have a pulse and can use a pencil. Most important about this day is that I didn’t have to go. We were, however, supposed to come back at 1:50 after the juniors and sophomores finished, but I decided not to.

I have a six page research paper due tommorrow. I practically started the paper at 2 PM and then went to work for a few hours, leaving me at about page three. I don’t know if I really want to finish it, so I may decide to not do anything.

I also bought a new graphics card. It’s a eVGA GeForce 7800 GS CO Superclock. Nerdy, I know. Basically, it means I won’t have to shell out the cash for a PS3 or an XBOX360 because this thing is a lot more powerful.

I’m at the point where I’m coasting through school; my grade shows this. Although, I know it doesn’t matter anymore.

The Definitive Guide to Warez

Author’s note in 2015: I published this guide ten years ago (wow!), so it is no longer definitive, but it certainly is informative. The internet has changed so much that now everyone knows what Bittorrent is. We live in a time when it’s easier to purchase things than it is to steal them. You can watch movies online, download games through Steam, and have Amazon Prime deliver the hard copy two days later. But, back in 2005, this was one of the few options to get content that wasn’t a huge pain in the ass. To bring this into the present, I’ve included my comments, annotated in bold, from 2015 to show you the evolution of “the scene”.

Just What Is “Warez”?

I. Introduction to the Scene

“The scene” is an all encompassing term meaning “the warez scene”. Warez is the copy and distribution of copyrighted material through digital mediums. If you just wanted a definition, here you go. In the next few minutes of reading, I’ll show you what warez is, where it all started, how it evolved, and where it is today. Then, if you care to keep reading, you’ll find out how to get warez and how to use it.

a. History
Basically, warez just means, well, wares. (Apparently, the ‘z’ was much cooler than the ‘s’.) Warez can be software, videos, or music. You’ve may have participated in a low-level form of warez with commercial music sharing programs like Napster before it was a service that you had to pay for.

Warez all started on something called “BBS” or Bulletin Board System. This system has been widely used since the 1980’s in order to share information. Basically, if you’ve ever been to a forum [message board] on the internet, BBS was the first type of the forum. During the 1980’s, the internet was very slow and computer space was limited. However, as the BBS grew with the rapidly evolving hardware market, people were able to distribute whole disks to other users. The core concept of warez is founded in the idea that if somebody has something, why not let them give you a copy? Since data is something that can be duplicated without quality loss, sharing data to friends and coworkers sounds like a great idea. In reality, many of you will know that it does hurt the software publishers and developers. Groups like the BSA or Business Software Alliance, try to spread the word about the harm that “piracy” is bringing to the technology industry as a whole. Ironically, piracy is a non-profit activity for almost 95% of the population.

In BBS, warez was served in small spanned parts of larger files. In order to make downloading easier and to better make sure that if you do have a corrupt file, you can download just one part again instead of having to download the whole, huge file. The small parts were uploaded by users of a BBS server which had massive storage capabilities at the time in both bandwidth (downloading speed) and hard disk space. In fact, the spanned chunks of larger files are still used today despite the advent of reliable broadband connections; this is most likely because of the strict adherence to the original BBS regulations that have since evolved. First, there were 512 kilobyte pieces of files. Soon, 1.44 megabyte (3.5 inch floppy size), 2.88 megabyte, 15 megabyte, and even special releases in packs of 40 megabytes or more. Just as high-speed internet keeps getting faster, the amounts of data that can be easily transferred just get bigger. (2015: These days you can expect to find releases in just one big file, often as a DVD or Blu-Ray disc image. Clients such as Bittorrent handle the splitting of files on the fly.)

While the BBS system is still around (though more commonly referred to as Newsgroups, mentioned later in part two of the guide), it’s not as widely used as newer alternatives. As the internet continued to advance, new forms of storage became available. The first main type was the FTP, short for File Transfer Protocol. If you download things from the internet, you’ve probably used an FTP server. These FTPs are the side-kick for HTTP (HyperText Transfer Protocol). Basically, in simple terms, the HTTP shows the website and the FTP stores the files. Since users had more hard drive space than ever, sharing really started to become prominent through FTPs by the start of the late-90s. Users can host their own files, set quotas for downloading and uploading files, and establish a large collection of files. Rather than having to sort through posts on the BBS, users were free to get things directly. The other prime branch of piracy was HTTP warez. Starting in the late ’90s as free online companies such as Angelfire and Fortunecity started offering hosting, warez was adapted to be placed on HTTP servers. This means that files were hosted and linked on web sites specially for warez which a user could go to download later. This new form of warez gave to the rise and fall of one of the greatest HTTP-based revolutions of the time: Freegamez4all. The concept was simple: everyone wanted free software, but in the past, it was hard to get. This site gave a simple, direct way to log on and grab the latest and greatest of computer games and applications.

However, the free services which the warez was being hosted off of started to take notice, and, by 1999, all of the major providers were able to scan and delete accounts which were being “abused” in this aspect. Soon, almost all of the files were being put on different servers to lower down the suspicious nature of so many users downloading from a new account. This created a huge hassle for the end user to obtain the files because he or she would have to check several different websites in order to find files. Unfortunately, groups of files would be deleted while others still existed, making the situation even more confusing. Still, even small groups of files on different accounts wasn’t enough, and almost all servers were protected except for emerging foreign companies located in Europe and Asia. Crippled by the low speed of file transfers from Europe, these services were rarely even used (however, South American services were). Yet by the year 2000, HTTP warez was in a significant decline after the hundreds of sites like Freegamez4all shut down due to the lack of ability to find hosts. Also, since the business wasn’t cheap, and it didn’t provide income, about the only way to generate any income at all was by getting more and more people to come to their site and to click through a ton of ads and rating procedures for topsites (sites that rank other sites by their amount of visitors). And since the only companies who wanted to advertise on a warez site were usually seedy (pornographic sites), users were bombarded with things they don’t want. In fact, as I recall, I saw my first popup advertisements on a warez site. Warez has, and always will, be tied to malicious, annoying ways to show users things they don’t want to see.

Among all of this advertisement scheming, Freegamez4all remained free from the ads and grew incredibly popular among anybody who knew about it. And in 2001, Napster was an infant child priding itself on the easy sharing of .MP3 compressed audio files to users around the world. In the case of HTTP piracy, all good things must come to an end. After the total decline of hosting by HTTP, Freegamez4all turned into a private forum for FTP server postings and the occasional legacy HTTP post. By 2003, almost all of the piracy was a very secretive, contained affair on groups of forums. These were largely based on the recently exploited principle of FXP, or File Exchange Protocol; in short, this meant that server to server file transfers were possible, speeding up the sending of files to other FTP sources and greatly improving the spread of warez.

Also around the end of 2003, file sharing software like Kazaa was becoming a household name for getting music and movies in a fast and easy manner. Warez was finally starting to become more accessible to common people. Fearing the massive spread of music piracy, a group of large, over-paid recording executives decided to end it once and for all: the RIAA, or Recording Industry Association of America, was put into service to launch an outright attack on users and the companies that offered the software to the users via an intense series of legal battles. And, while they were able to stop Napster, they were not able to stop other file-sharing services. The RIAA’s campaign was basically just a waste of money which could have been better spent buying modern art work for the poor executives’ extravagant houses or maybe even paying their licensed artists. Today in 2005, their campaign focuses on just causing the user a headache; you may have noticed that if you download a popular song under any of the RIAA’s recording labels, it may just be some really loud white noise or beeping sounds. (2015: They’re still out there and they’re still trying to sue you into oblivion.)

The next big revolution that is just starting now is the Bittorrent revolution. This is a software which creates a fair, equal way of downloading and uploading files to groups of people. Chances are high that you may have already heard of it. This moderately new form of warez is highly accessible and easy to use and therefore is widely known at this point in time. Yet another group of corporate executives fearing loss of consumers in their industry, the MPAA, or Motion Picture Association of America, started an aggressive campaign to stop sites linking to torrent files and even directly targeting the end user. As it stands today, Bittorrent is still alive and thriving as is Kazaa, and the combined campaigns of the MPAA and RIAA have done little to stop the unstoppable. Groups like the EFF or Electronic Frontier Foundation, are fighting for our basic rights to share information across the internet and are currently opposing the harsh attacks that both the RIAA and MPAA are creating. Ironically, the attacks on Kazaa have forced many users to switch to Bittorrent where they must download a full album instead of one song at a time (2015: Modern clients let you choose any of the files you want; thanks technology!). On a side note, other services that I’ll be mentioning later such as WASTE (encrypted file sharing developed by Nullsoft, the makers of WinAMP), are still alive and thriving as well. (2015: I haven’t heard a peep from this project or anything similar in years, sadly.)

Though, behind the curtain, the “scene” is losing its character. Groups of pirates are competing with each other for software releases; they can lie about releases and even steal them to try to win support. I suppose all is fair in love and war, but this type of behavior is really killing off what I remember as a kid. Some say that in 1996 or 1997 it was dying, but I can honestly say it wasn’t until 1999 or 2000 that things headed downward. Warez is just way too easy to obtain and the close-knit societies are falling apart because of this. Not only this, increased legal pressures have made the big talents in the industry go into hiding — or into jail. Personally, I just feel that it is natural evolution, but others have different views on the subject. It can best be summed up in NFO for the release of “Elite Warriors Vietnam” by the group Elegance:

Wake the hell up. Does the scene need a new alarm clock? Looks like it’s running low on batteries. Short circuit. Somewhere between the electrical outlet and the gears churning time inside, something is dead wrong. We’ve been trying to place our fingers on the source of the scene’s problems for months. Years. What’s to blame, or who? Why does it seem that the new generation of sceners has the wrong fundamentals? The wrong virtues, goals, integrity? Where are the role models for these guys? Nowhere to be found, because the few sceners that built the frame and structure of our beloved hobby, the benchmark, the ones that set the standards of it all, have had their sweat turn into tears. Before the true oldschool’s very eyes, the scene has degraded into nothingness. There’s no substance.

A Canadian Warrant
Above: A Canadian Warrant

Currently in 2005, some major developments are being made. As to be expected, the FBI launched a large attack against copy protection specialists (known as crackers). While the reports are still debated, over 15 people went to jail in the US and Canada alone; in Germany and the rest of Europe, almost 30 people were picked up. Here is the official FBI press release. However, I have included some of the messages left in release NFO’s and related files:

This is by far the hardest nfo to write to date 1999-2005. PHXiSO has been here like our best friend, and addiction for far to many of these FBI bullshit shakedowns. For fucks sake as if George Lucas, or Autodesk needs more money? Get fucked you know yer doing this so they pad your pockets you fucken cunts! ANYWAY we have seen to many good groups come and go. And for us
its time to pull the plug. To the haters Fuck you. To the people who have helped us We have much love and respect for you.

A simple goodbye, and be safe from your friends at PHXiSO..

Now on a personal note to my BROTHERS in PHX, All I can personally say is thank you, and I hope you had as much fun as I did. There was NEVER, and will NEVER be a better group of people to work with. You will be in my thoughts and reflections. Just remember the times and dun forget we will meet again!

Another excerpt:

These groups were attacked in the recent raids and/or busts. I recently found out that POT [a moderately sized release group] is done. Groups are taking off left and right, and its up to us smaller groups to step up to the plate and try and compensate for the loss of the groups. Not all the attacked groups are taking off, but some are. Not that POT is a huge loss to the scene but even so we need to keep the scene running despite the raids that occurred.

As you can see, the sense of community really is still alive, even if the FBI tries to kill it.

b. The Warez Stork
Warez just doesn’t appear out of nowhere. As I originally stated, warez started as friends sharing copies of their favorite game across BBS systems. However, it didn’t take long for the community to evolve. Groups came about which did three things:
1.) Obtained the software (at least by its retail release date)
2.) Packaged the software (explained in detail below)
3.) Distributed the software (usually to a private FTP called a “distro” or a “pub” [to note, “pub” stands for “public” but they rarely are public these days])
Make no mistake, warez is a highly organized syndicate. It takes a lot of manpower to do what they do. Some of the more prominent groups are/have been Razor911, Class, Myth, Deviance, Fairlight, and Reloaded.

Obtaining the software is no easy deed. It takes planning, connections, and maybe a little bit of under-the-table work. I’ll let you figure this much out. When it comes to packaging the software, there are different forms of warez:
1.) Improper releases (these are made by just some guys and don’t conform to standards — they are often considered “nuked” which means they are unsuitable for propagation)
2.) Legacy releases (these are releases that are not in ISO [CD or DVD image] format; such as rips of games which leave out movies and soundtracks to decrease release size)
3.) ISO releases (CD or DVD image releases of games, applications, DVD movies and music, or music CDs with their content unaltered)
4.) DVD-Rip releases (different from legacy releases because of their “new” format)
5.) Non-ISO releases (while conforming to the standards, these are not in ISO format because they are small enough to be on their own (such as repacked legacy releases and application releases under 150 meg)
6.) ISO Movie releases (SVCD [super video cd, mpeg2] and VCD images of a video, burnable to CD and playable on a DVD player)
7.) Compressed Movie releases (AVI [movie format] files that cannot be played on a DVD player, and are compressed to either one or two CD sized volumes without large quality loss as in SVCD and VCD images due to compression by third party codecs, explained further in the rest of the guide.) (2015: These days compression codecs have become amazing and size restraints are no longer a problem. It’s standard to see 1080p Blu-Ray rips with 5.1 DTS audio.(
8.) Compressed Music releases (.MP3 or the occasional .OGG format of a release; usually under 100 Meg and compressed at 128kbps or 192kbps)

Myth's Porsche 2000 Instailler
ABOVE: Myth’s Installer for Need For Speed: Porsche Unleashed

Also as mentioned, these releases are subject to certain standards. They must be a certain size, use a certain format, and be compressed correctly. Failure to do so will label important releases as “Nuked”, which means they are tagged as being bad releases not to be used by anyone. Since the groups compete with each other, adherence to the standards is a very important part of maintaining integrity of their work.

Another important aspect of warez is the creativity involved with creating custom installers for games. While this is largely non-existent with modern ISO releases, Ripped legacy releases used these custom installers quite frequently. Above is an example from Myth’s release of Electronic Art’s Need For Speed: Porsche Unleashed.

Each installer was custom made by a skilled programmer and artist. Not only do these include original music, but these installers also have code built in to display a text file called an “NFO” (short for info). These aspects are another touch of artistic flare to a legacy release as well as a key component to being able to use the software you downloaded. NFO files contain key information about the release, how to use it, and information about possible security protection on the CD.

Legacy installers such as this one use a set of spanned 2.88 megabyte files using .ACE compression, similar to the very common WinZIP. Accordingly, the .ACE file format is made by WinACE; this format is highly more compressed than that of WinZIP, and in the year 2000, was the best alternative for compressing files into sets of small files. To be noted are the main forms of compression used in releases. (In Unix-based releases, TAR.GZ or GZIP is used.)

1. PKZIP (1994 – 1997)
2. WinZIP (1997 – 1999)
3. WinACE (1999 – 2002)
4. WinRAR (2003 – Present)

Each type of compression was more and more effective at compressing the large amounts of data of a release in a faster amount of time. In legacy releases, after uncompressing and installing a release, you would also have to run a Setup.BAT (instruction set file), which would launch UHARC, an incredibly compressed set of files that takes a very long time to uncompress, but was better than any other commercial compression available at that time (or even this time, for that matter).

Myth's Porsche 2000 NFO
ABOVE: The artistic header for Myth’s game releases

As I said, the NFO is a very stylish, interesting piece of art work used with ASCII/ANSI based editors. In short, you’ll actually need a text reader that will support ASCII/ANSI to view an NFO file like DAMN NFO. While you can use notepad to open these, you just won’t see what you were meant to see (and it’s often quite confusing to locate basic information).

“We and a certain other group have been in talks over new rules for a long time now. We felt it was time to come to a decision and there could be no better way to introduce new rules than doing it with the best racing game of the year, NFS Porsche 2000 !”

This introduction is then followed by basic game notes and stating the ripped parts:
“Ripped: movies, music and unnecessary chronical slides.”

The install notes follow:
“Unzip and unace either manually or with our installer. Run SETUP.BAT to unpack the gfx files and run Setupreg.exe to set up your registry. Run the 3DSetup\3DSetup.exe to select your gfx card. You can start the game then with Porsche.exe. NFS5 has problems with some types of drivers for graphics cards, we suggest you try a few out and complain to EA. TNT2/GeForce drivers 3.78 for example seem to be problematic, so you should reinstall the 3.68 drivers.”

As you can see, the NFO file is a core piece of information that can’t be skipped if you actually plan on using the software you just downloaded. Specifically in this release, the modern day ripping regulations were decided upon in a very lengthy list detailing ALL of the standards that are still used today. Also notice if you don’t know what type of file you are getting from the name of the file, you can just open the NFO file to see detailed information about the file format, the number of compressed files in the set, the date of release, the groups who contributed to it, the CD protection that the game uses, and the genre of the actual game. There are a lot more facts inside the actual content of the NFO, so I suggest you check out all of the things listed, included news from the release group and other group-specific information. Also, if you get lucky, a group will attack another group about their quality of release or make a huge news brief about a current group event. Because of this, NFO’s cannot be disregarded. If you ever need to find a specific NFO, I suggest you look at iSONEWS, a site which records all of the recent releases and their NFO’s.

c. Will I Get Caught
I think everybody asks this question. The answer: maybe. First off, you shouldn’t be downloading software illegally anyway; this should be for backup purposes. But, let me clear up a few things: The RIAA and the MPAA have no affiliation with the government of your country.

Right. I know people will still think that regardless. The RIAA and MPAA are corporate entities trying to protect their investments. Hell, they are shady guys themselves. The RIAA was once quoted as saying they are trying to release a virus that will disable a user’s computer if he opens a copyrighted MP3 or WMA (Windows Media Audio) file. Technically, that’s illegal too. (Recently, Sony-BMG released a rootkit device on a CD that would potentially allow hackers to infiltrate users’ PCs.) So, I guess everybody is skirting around the law these days.

Time Warner's Notice
ABOVE: Time Warner’s Warning Notice

In general, no, you’re not going to get caught. I’d reckon it to shoplifting: you could get caught, but it depends on how big of a coat you’re wearing, how big of the item you’re stealing, how skilled you are, and chance. Governments go for the source, as in the release groups. They don’t focus on little peons downloading things. That said, they have and still do arrange special FTP’s to snare hapless victims downloading things. Federally in the US, downloading a copyrighted movie is a 250,000 USD fine with up to five years in prison. However, they go after people reselling media, not the kind downloaded for personal use.

The RIAA and MPAA pose one of the bigger threats: they often track your computer’s IP number (Internet Protocol [internet address]) and then report it to your ISP (Internet Service Provider). In this case, your ISP will temporarily disable your account and you’ll have to make an embarrassing call to the technical support to listen to why your service was cut. Most ISP’s run on a “three strike” form of policy. But, I’d stay low if you actually do get a mark. The MPAA and RIAA sometimes choose to randomly summon people to court in a lawsuit in which their goal is scaring you to settling out of court. Basically, you may settle for around 2,000 to 7,000 USD; in turn, this money helps fund the companies to sue other people. Cruel cycle, no?

Another fun warning you’ll get is in the mail as shown from a 2001 warning letter. Honestly, you should be smart enough to make your own decisions. Theft is theft.

d. My Background
I started in “the scene” when I was very little because I had internet access, a desire to learn, and limited ability to get physical items due to my location. I helped write NFOs and test installers for a group called CLASS, and from there, I started my own server in the early 2000s. At some point in time, I had three 160GB hard drives completed full (a feat in those days.)

There was much more to this guide, namely finding it, downloading it, and installing it, but this part was probably somewhat illegal and it is completely out of date. None of the sites referenced here works. In fact, these days all you need to do is get Bittorrent and search Google for “Whatever torrent” and you’re set.

29 July 2004

I’ll be turning 16 on July 31. I already bought my present, a computer upgrade, in June before memory went up in price. I think the only thing I really want is a prints account, but I dunno, no big deal I guess. I will officially be driving my 1977 Porsche 924 Martini Edition without parents. Although, I still blow at driving. I should probably wait a bit.

14 July 2004

Headache. I just got back from the yearbook convention thing in Dallas. I suppose it taught me how to use the layout sheets and introduced me to the computer elements, however, I felt like I was in first grade. Granted, our first assignment was to make a “list of five goals” for the yearbook via tracing your hand. I made mine into a turkey… I remember finding it childish the first time I did it, actually. We were supposed to “think outside the box” and make “creative goals”. My “creative goal” was “Finish the yearbook”.

Tired. Very tired. Haven’t slept much. Tomorrow I have to go into the VIAMedia office. I’m dying here. What day is it again?

Stressed. Today feels like a lonely Sunday. I want to talk to someone about something, but all I have is no one. I’m angry. At Ali, maybe. Who said she would come see me.. who said she didn’t realize it was me. I don’t care about that though. I’ll call her tonight. It was a mishap, I’m sure. I hope.

Logen. Sorry I’m so distant, if you even read this.

23 June 2004


Although not exactly intentional, my secret plans of becoming a pirate have been filled! It appears something got in my left eye scratched it… really bad. About the size of a dime scratch, they say. So I’ll be wearing this patch, which completely destroys my ability to see since I happen to be near blind out of the right. Glasses don’t seem to fit well over the patch either.

Back to being a pirate, I should get a membership card in, and this time it’s not just for being a software pirate. Now, I’m going to have to say “arrr” all the time. Although I lack my peg leg, it’s only a matter of time. I can finally sail the seven seas instead of the sailing the seven ISPs