Time Flies

So, today I got on Facebook to try to find something that I immediately forgot I was looking for as soon as I got on. While doing so, I noticed it was Dan’s birthday, my old roommate from college, and I so I gave him a call. He made two really valid points about both of our lives at the moment, and it’s kind of upsetting. The following quotes are shown below, but I don’t actually remember what he said exactly. (I literally just got off the phone with him too, making this pretty impressive.)

“Don’t you think it’s sad that we haven’t talked for a few months and we’re doing exactly the same thing as we were before? Nothing is new.”

“Isn’t it crazy how work completely destroys your sense of time? You go in to work on a Monday and all the sudden it’s Thursday. You’re just getting to work and then all the sudden you’re leaving — and then somehow you’re back at work.”

If the amount of 4ft postholes I've dug in the desert is proportinate to my life's success, then I am a winner.

Both of these are sad points. I haven’t updated this journal in months and the only new thing in my life is that I’ve moved back to Midland and started working. Nothing else has happened in my life and it looks like that will be the same for some months to come. Kind of a scary thought. We both really don’t find our jobs to be engaging (though I don’t hate mine). It’s just something that fills up time and gives us paychecks.

I still can’t wrap my head around how people get stuck doing something they don’t really enjoy and then do it for the rest of their lives, just coasting through and until some point in the future — and I’m not sure we know what that point is — where we decide to make a change. I feel like doing it young is the way to go because youth gives you more options to do the things you haven’t. I will go skydiving soon; this is my greatest fear and I have to do it. I’m afraid of waking up one day and being old, realizing I’ve wasted so many years so I could get a paycheck. I think, fortunately, the Navy will keep things varied, and for this, I am thankful. It was a radical option in terms of the regular 9-to-5, and it’s something that will hopefully avoid this fact.

Aim very, very high

So, I guess my question is this: is this bleak outlook really how  the rest of our lives play out? Because honestly, that sucks. I can’t handle doing something like this day in and day out, never getting to do the things I want, never getting to accomplish my goals, and never getting to marry a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader (aim high, right?).

This is actually hopeful post because I feel like my future will have that spark to keep it interesting and give me options on trying new things. The Navy is exactly that: adventure. As well, I don’t think it’s impossible for Dan to get out of his cycle either. Today at dinner, two of my close friends announced they were moving — they’re picking up and getting out of Midland. They realized that all they were doing is flying a holding pattern and searching for something that Midland could not ever offer them. So, they’re dropping everything and moving. Hell yes. This is the power of our freedom, and it’s something we seldom exploit. Have a goal? Do it. Otherwise, I’m afraid we’ll die with the regret that we could have done something and never took that chance.

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Life in Midland

Thanks a lot, jerks.

Shortly after joining the Navy, I was told that I would have to wait until March (eventually until May) to ship and so I was faced with a unique situation: I couldn’t get a long term job, but I needed money to pay off all my college lifestyle credit card debt (both living in Australia and just going out with Sam, Christian, and the rest of the guys so often my senior year). As well, I saw the impending, looming, daunting shadow of my debt from going to school at Trinity University. I shelled out so much money to go there, it’s kind of ridiculous. In the end, however, they sent me a generous refund check… of 1 dollar. Seriously, just rub it in you jerks. Every time I get a letter in the mail asking alumni for financial contributions I curse out loud and rip the letter up. I took a class called Underwriting and Development, so I know that Trinity has staff that knows not to make requests in such a jackass way.

Either way, as a result of all this debt and the fact that my apartment contract was coming for an end, I was forced to consolidate and do something I vowed never to do again: return to Midland and get a job until I leave. At the time, I was looking at March as the latest, though I have no idea what it might be at this point. The advantage of going home was purely monetary in nature because I hate Midland, I hate the people in Midland, I didn’t know anyone there, and living back at home can be frustrating. That, and the issue is coupled with a lot of tension between them right as I was getting back, meaning I was thrust into arguments that I had thought I escaped from in 2006 when I left for San Antonio.

Probably the cutest baby I’ve ever seen

Thankfully, I’m not completely alone because I do have my brother and his new niece to visit, and that’s always a relief since we grew up with the same frustrations as a kid so I can have someone to share with. And, for the first month or two, I met a girl who I really thought I clicked with, but I must have done something or she found my character to be unsavory, because she stopped calling and texting in that way that people do when they’re too embarrassed to say “I don’t like you. Stop talking to me.” If I had to guess, it’s because I’m not particularly Christian. Church hasn’t made a lot of sense to me and the morals imposed there seem superficial and not applicable to modern society. Then again, Midland is stuck in 1965 when it comes to things like that.

Welcome to Nowhere, Texas

But, being completely alone has its perks. First, I was able to get a job with a company called Two Rivers Pipeline Construction that has me driving all over West Texas and New Mexico. It’s time away from the house, from the family, and gets my mind off the looming uncertainties of the future. Second, I spend most of my time at the gym, generally for the same reasons as work. I don’t like being at home, and I really wish I had my own place, but I have too much debt to pay off and a who-knows-when ship date that have made it impractical to do much else.

So between work and working out, the only thing I’ve done is play a few video games. Few being the key word because I really don’t have the patience for them like I used to. I want to play 15 minutes at a time and I dislike playing online because everyone is an idiot. The majority of my gaming time I spend playing Xbox 360 games with my brother, which is always a good stress relief.