I was a real asshole in high school. I think this was probably because I didn’t have a ton of friends and I didn’t fit in entirely well. It wasn’t that I wasn’t liked, but rather I just had a distinctive sense of humor and I really thought my accomplishments in life up to that point set me apart from everyone else in high school. In retrospect, they did, and my humor was well appreciated by those who could understand it, such as the crowd in college. I know that’s kind of arrogant and insulting to the people that went to Lee High School from 2003-2006, and yeah, well, it is. If you’re reading this now and thinking that I’m wrong, maybe I’m still just an asshole.
Regardless, the state of me being an asshole isn’t the point of this post, but rather I wanted to tell a story about what Mikey and I did sometime during one of our high school lunch breaks. I think that hanging out with Mikey, someone who felt just like I did — a very cynical, sarcastic guy, in other words — really made us feed off each other to do stupid things that stupid kids are likely to do. One such great idea was paying for lunch with of a fistful of coins. I’m not sure who came up with this genius idea, but I’m glad we did because I look back on it and still laugh, even though I know it makes me a bad person for doing so. But, this was probably nearing on eight years ago (wait, am I really getting that old? Damn!) so I feel like I’m justified in saying I’m not the same person anymore, and neither is Mikey. We’re still cynical, sarcastic jerks, but in a more endearing way, I assume.
So, what we ended up doing was going to the bank and getting a couple rolls of nickles and pennies and then mixing them up in a big plastic bag, and then heading to Sonic, America’s Drive-In (apparently), and ordering a few things to eat.
When the girl came out to hand us our food, we quickly took it and we both were already trying our best to stop the laughs from just knowing what we were about to do. Then, I pulled out the bag of coins, scooped up a huge handful of them and then poured it in her hands. The girl didn’t know how to react to this and just stood there trying to cup the overflowing mountain of coins while they showered down to the pavement making so much noise that everyone at the drive-in was probably staring directly at her. When this finished, I managed to stammer out one sentence while Mikey was looking the other way and crying laughing:
“You might want to count that.”
So, the poor girl sat there, collected all the spilled coins, and then counted it all out for somewhere around five minutes. After all this, she finally had the right amount of change to give back to us. Then I told her:
“Oh, you can keep the change.”
I’m thinking right there, at that moment, God was looking down from Heaven with a big red Sharpie and crossed my name off the guest list. (He’s probably looking at me now to see if this is an apology but I’m still laughing while I write it, so I guess I’m just screwed on this one. Sorry God!) I feel sorry for this girl, and I instantly did as I said this, but I couldn’t stop from laughing. The ridiculousness of the whole situation was incomprehensible and Mikey hadn’t stopped laughing the entire time, his face buried in his clothes as he tried to stifle the laughter.
I think what this whole situation proved is that this girl was just a bystander that we dragged down, and yet, somehow, she was able to remain calm and actually not flip out on us. I’m sorry, but Sonic does not pay enough for me, if I was in that situation, to hold back. I would have thrown the coins back in my face and tried to kill me. So I guess the whole point of this story is that, one, it’s awesome and hilarious, two, it’s sad and depressing, and three, it proves that this girl was incredible.